Looks like the Spring Collection’s in.

Here’s an ace who’s either thoroughly oblivious to what it takes to be a complete and utter douchebag (not much), or he’s just lost the plot.  I took this pic on my none-too-extraordinary, regular day-at-the-office commute to work one day.  It’s not like it was enroute to some disease-based charity walk or something.  After a few days and several sightings later, I learned that this get-up was apparently standard operating procedure for this Jerkoff LaLanne.  Bad enough that you walk around with some bullshit decanter filled with some muddy homemade protein shake, but to pair that with ankle weights is just an unashamed attempt to reach a whole new level of douchebaggery that’s simply not attainable for the rest of us mere mortals.  How fucking jacked up to do you need to be in order to strap on ankle weights for your stupid, meaningless commute to work and think that it’s going to make one iota of difference to your beefcakeness?  I’m dying to see what other meaningless task this Adonis turns into a workout extravaganza.  I’ll bet this guy makes sure he orders two extra-large shakes at Jamba Juice so that he can pump them like weights between sips.  Save this shit for the gym or for your granola-fueled 10K run where you annoying holler, “Left!” to anyone who’s ahead of you.  What the fuck.

Wow.  Just wow.  Props where props are due: it takes massive balls – enormous Cadillac Escalade-sized balls – to saunter around unashamedly with that hat on.  That, or some debilitating vision problem.  If it’s the latter, my bad.  After observing the subject for a while, I soon arrived at the conclusion that the motivation was probably something entirey different.  This winner didn’t have the bullshit attitude of some Brooklyn hipster, rubbing the whole I-look-like-a-shithead-but-you’re-gonna-like-it look in your face.  He probably left the house in the morning, figured he needed to don a hat, and concluded that a winged-Captain America hat was probably perfect for the occasion – whatever that occasion might be – and went on his merry way.

There’s not much else to say, is there.

This bipedal example of feral awesomeness doesn’t really belong in this WTF list.  In truth, he is a giant among men.   A giant.  A gargantuan specimen of golden feline awesomeness.  Look at the immaculate cut of that coat.  See how he just fills it out so well?  See how he’s managed to get just right amount of cuff showing, as he wields his phone to execute the shrewdest of power deals?  What a magnificent bastard.

And the beauty of this sighting was that he was peddling his wares right across the street from the Museum of Modern Art.  You are a work of art, golden tiger man.  In all your shining glory.