People who think they’re too cool to capitalize.  Typically these  “faux-eccentric types” are the ones who feel like they have license to do this.  You know, the sort who think that crowdsourcing isn’t just asking the unwashed masses to do your shitty work for you (it is).  Good job on dive bombing your bar of creativity by thinking that simply not using your shift key qualifies you as being “inventive”.  Or simply exploiting your sheer, unbridled laziness by cloaking yourself in some pretentious veil of cool, that you’re above the rudiments of punctuation. Here’s a clue: none of it’s working, and you’re coming across loud and clear as some illiterate dickhead.  Not one person is impressed.  So knock it off, doucheface.  Using proper punctuation is as basic as brushing your teeth.  It’s not that hard.

Tedious, self-aggrandizing Facebook updates asking you to spread a “cause”.  It typically involves some long-winded, self-validating bullshit paragraph about some bullshit that you, as the reader, couldn’t give a shit about, and then it ends with some pathetic plea to have you repost that stupid update.  “If you agree, please post this in your update.”  Oh, for fuck’s sake – WHY!?!  Who gives a shit if I agree with that stupid shitty paragraph you cut-and-pasted in your update.  Do you really give a shit if I agree with that stupid statement which you were too lazy to even come up with your own so you just cut-and-pasted it from some other retarded lemming’s Facebook update?  If I were shallow-minded enough to repost that shit you posted on your update, would it make one lick of difference to anyone?  That’s right, it fucking wouldn’t.  So, WTF, you mindless lemming.  “Post this on your update if you agree that cancer is shitty.”  Well, of course cancer is shitty.  What’s that request supposed to do – guilt me into the belief that if I don’t post that retarded paragraph on my Facebook status, I actually believe that cancer rocks?  Fuck.  Off.  I have half a mind to post this who paragraph in my Facebook update.  “If you think your friends are retarded for posting stupid shit on their Facebook updates, please repost this load of bollocks.”  Go on, I fucking dare you.

Hoboken’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade.  I don’t give a shit if this comes more than a month after the event.  It’s retarded.  St Patrick’s Day is only meaningful on St. Patrick’s Day.  March 17.  Two days after the Ides Of March.  That’s it, no other time.  There’s no St. Patrick’s Day season, like you do the Easter season or Christmas season (which apparently starts right on Labor Day these days).  The day before St. Patrick’s Day is completely meaningless.  As is the day before that (fuck the Ides Of March, just ask Julius Caesar).  There’s no festivity after St. Patrick’s Day – the way Boxing Day only exists because Christmas Day does.  So St. Patrick’s Day is one day and one day only.  The fact that the city of Hoboken are retarded enough to think that it’s perfectly fine for them to throw some stupid St. Patrick’s Day parade some two weeks before the actual event – especially being a mere five miles from the actual site of a good and proper St. Patrick’s Day Parade – on the actual fucking day! – shows just what a bunch of retarded douchebags have been wandering Hoboken all these years.  The only redeeming thing about this stupid annual tradition of celebrating an event well in advance of the day of the event is that the drinking and debauchery is completely fucking out of control.  The fact that this stupid parade made the news this year because of the city’s efforts to curb the drinking and debauchery, only to lead to record-levels of drunken madness, may be the only reason to validate this otherwise completely retarded event.  Next year, I want a car fire and someone driving a fire truck into the Hudson, Hoboken.  Otherwise, no more stupid St. Patrick’s Day events.