Here are some words that need to be scrapped from use immediately.  Largely because they’re not proper words.  Just strings of letters fuckwits have crumpled together to make up syllables which make them think they sound smart.

“Deplane”.  Pretty much every other week I’m on a plane these days.  And every other week, some flight attendant will remind me of just how much I fucking loathe them.  “Plane” is a noun.   Not a fucking verb.  “DE-plane”?!  What the fuck do you do when you get on a plane?   Enplane?  What if you get on, come off the plane, then get back on it?  Replane?  Do fuck off, flight crew.  The only time it’s alright hear the word “deplane” around any aircraft is if you see Hervé Villechaize in the vicinity.  But given that he’s quite dead, there goes that loophole.

“Pre-board”.  Another air travel gem.  Arguably one of the stupidest phrases ever uttered by someone in uniform: “We’d like to pre-board parents with small children”.  Do you even fucking understand what the prefix means?  You’re not fucking pre-boarding anyone.  Pre-boarding is what I’m doing right now: standing at the gate, stupid.  Standing: that’s what pre-boarding means.

“Incentivize”.  Brilliant marketing wankery.  It’s such a lazy yet crafty way to sound so fucking smart about something.  Just add the “ize” suffix to some multi-syllabic noun, and voila, you’re big and clever.  Every time I hear someone in a meeting say shit like “incentivize” or “dimensionalize” or something bullshit wankspeak, I want to punch them in the throat.

“Preventative”.  Holy fucking shit, this isn’t a word, it’s cheating at Scrabble with two extra tiles.  The word is “preventive”, fucknut.  What’s mind-blowing isn’t the proliferation of the word in pedestrian vernacular.  It’s the fact that it’s actually accepted verbiage in some highly-regulated companies (e.g. pharmaceuticals, etc.) – you see it in their ads, their press releases.  Way to go out of your way to perpetuate poor grammar and make people think that you have a stutter.

“Online”.  Not in the digital sense.  But in the single file sense.  What the fuck is wrong with “queue”?  It’s a great word.  It’s proper English word, one syllable, but it rocks four successive vowels in it (OK, two, but you get what I mean)!!!  Even standing in line is correct to say.  But “online”?  Where the fuck is this line on which you’re supposed to be standing?

“Offline.”  Again, not in the digital sense.  Another bit of business wankery referring to a side conversation to be had at another time and place.  “Let’s take this offline.”  No, let’s take this term and stab you in the eye with it.  That word does not mean what you think it means, Vizzini.  The only reason we even have that fucking word “offline” is because we needed something to mean the opposite of “online”, again, in the digital sense.  Where is this fucking line from which you want me to get off?  Fuck you and your lines.

The poncification of food.  Not a word, per se.  The missus has been heading up the organization of her high school class reunion of late.  One of the venues provided her with a catering menu.  Apparently, in some effort to poncify themselves, they’ listed such culinary delights as “breast of chicken”, “fillet of salmon”, “prime rib of beef”.  Are you fucking shittin’ me?  Listen, separating the animal and its cut with a conjunction doesn’t mean you get to charge me a 50% premium for that same shitty dried out piece of chicken which I invariable know will taste like the sole of Doc Martens with a slight lemon zest.

Shit of bull.