Wax museums.  I don’t get wax museums.  Is the idea like, “I can’t see the real thing, so let me pay gobs of money to see some shitty facsimile and still not see the real thing”?  Has anyone ever left a wax museum thinking, “I’ve never seen Lady Gaga, but now that I’ve seen a wax replica of her, I’m all set”?

I think wax museums should at least animate their wax figures.  And have these characters do something the real life versions would never do: Napoleon in a race car, Beyonce vacuuming, Stalin in a beekeepers outfit.  Tell me you wouldn’t pay to see that.

Porsche 911s.

That is an absolutely ludicrous range of models for just one car.  How the fuck do you choose?  Which ones have a turbo?  Which ones don’t?  Which ones have special suspension settings?  How do you know if you want this bit or that?  What a fucking ridiculous range.

American Apparel.  Super-creepy CEO notwithstanding, I can appreciate a clothing company centered on simplicity.  But with American Apparel, everything’s almost a bit too simple.  And there’s that thing of overcompensating that simplicity with an overwhelming amount of ridiculously gratuitous porny ads.   I’ve wanted to like this company for a while – the whole made in USA thing, the simple designs where a shirt’s a shirt and socks are socks – but the whole thing’s just pretty fucking ridiculous overall.

Asparagus.  To be specific, asparagus and my digestive tract.  How the fuck is it possible that I can have asparagus at lunch and if I go take a slash 10 minutes afterwards, I have asparagus pee?  How the fuck does that happen?  And it’d be one thing if I metabolized (is that the right term?  fuck if I know) asparagus at lightning speed, somehow the asparagus stays with me for days.  I’ve had asparagus pee three days after eating the fucking things.  Again: how the fuck is that possible?  In this day and age, it is not possible to genetically engineer an asparagus that doesn’t produce asparagus pee?  You’d think.