Who knew that breakfast could be so confounding?  Did I say confounding?  I meant totally fucking aggravating.  While I was waiting for my breakfast sandwich at the deli this morning (egg and tomato on a plain bagel: so fucking awful – never get a breakfast sandwich without meat in it), two girls walked in, completely self-absorbed in some conversation which I’m sure made both of them dumber by the minute.  They stand at the counter, trying to decide what they want when someone else comes alongside and waits in line.  Because Dumb & Dumber couldn’t decide, the cook went to the next person in line.  She ordered, and the Dumb & Dumber got offended that they’d been “skipped over”.  They make a slight stink about it, but then Dumb begins to order.

“Can I have a bacon, egg, and cheese, on a roll?  With two bacon.”

“Two bacon?”

“Yeah, two…uhm, you know, pieces.”

“You want two pieces of bacon on the side?”

“Yes, two bacon, like strips, yes.”

“Only two?  If you get a side of bacon, you can get more pieces – it’s the same price”

“What?  I want two strips of bacon.”

“I know, I’m saying if you order a side of bacon you can get more, because it’s the same price if you get two or if you get five or six.”

“Oh, OK.  Then, can you put the two strips of bacon in the roll, and the rest on the side?”

“But you asked for a bacon, egg and cheese on a roll – that already comes with bacon.”

“I know, but I want two strips of bacon on my roll.”

“OK, I can make it that way.  Do you still want the side of bacon?”

Dumber steps in, “Can you just put all the bacon on the roll?  All five, six pieces of bacon?”

At this point, another cook hands me my sandwich, and I promptly leave before I literally kill everyone in the deli.  She didn’t say “please” even once.