The Delta girl

I have gobs of miles logged with Delta.  I’ve travelled so much in the first half of this year that I jumped a membership grade in 3 months.   That’s too much time in the air and in shitty airports, dealing with other dumbass travellers and asshole flight staff.  And speaking of flight staff, Delta’s inflight safety video is ready to make me switch airlines and loyalty program.  What the fuck is up with the Delta girl’s face?  Before every flight, her horrific plastoid face pops up on the screen and shoves a cargo load of sass in your face.  It’s a double whammy – you’ve got to deal with the fucking attitude and that face that looks like it’s constructed from some alien-grade polymer.  If Joan from Mad Men fucked one of those androids from “I, Robot”, this girl would be the spawn of that unholy union.  Fucking nightmares from this video.


Whole lotta bumper stickers

I’ve bitched about those Euro car stickers before.  But it takes a whole ‘nother grade of douchebag to turn your car into what looks like hyperactive child’s scrapbook.  What the fuck is up with this practice of trying to wallpaper the rear of your car with shitty stickers?  Are they like gold stars – you get one every time you cut someone off or veer recklessly across three lanes?  Or maybe it’s driven by sheer embarrassment of driving such an asshole car that you’re trying to cover it up with bumper stickers.  I wonder if this rule works with people, too.  I’d practically smother a few annoying relatives in stupid Hello Kitty or leftover McCain/Palin ’08 bumper stickers.



Salad dressing

If I want advice on buying a new Mac, do I hit up some Amish folks for some suggestions?  Like fuck I do.  So why the fuck are steakhouses peddling salad dressings?  It’s fucking retarded.









Questionable content in my kid’s magazine

This, found in one of my kids’ magazines.  What.  The fuck.









Elevator buttons

People who push elevator buttons that are already lit.  What is the point of that?  Every fucking day it’s the same thing.  People walk up to the elevator bank in the lobby, look at the lit ‘up’ button, then stick their stupid finger out and push that lit button.  Or fuckwits who pour into an elevator, all going to the same floor, and each one looks at the lit floor button and without hesitation, reacts in some mindless Pavlovian manner and sticks his/her finger on the lit button.  It’s fucking lit, there’s no fucking point to pushing the button again, asshole!  What possible outcome do you think you’d get by pushing the button again?  As if the button would say, “Oh, I didn’t think you really meant it the first time, now that you’ve tapped me repeatedly, maybe I’ll go the floor you want.  I was going to just sit here and finish my cup of tea otherwise.”  Or maybe you think it’s some sort of trick elevator button – it’s lit but the elevator doesn’t really move until you tap the button a certain number of times.  Like a Nintendo cheat code.  Maybe the faster you tap, the faster the elevator will move!  You’re a fuckwit.  It’s such a fucking stupid OCD-esque thing to do.