It’s incredible the sort of attire disasters you see when you go away for a holiday.

I had to start with the biggest catch.  This fucking guy is rocking it every way imaginable.  What do you take in first?  You’d think the greasy mullet might be his crowning glory, but you’d be wrong.  Shit, even Stevie Wonder can’t avert his eyes from that glorious shirt.  Look at that fucking thing.  Actually, the effect is a bit lost on my shitty iPhone cam.   What you see here is good and proper Western motif printed and embroidered on that bad boy.  It’s a circle of horses that go all the way around his girthy torso.  Horses on a plain – that’s the brown bit at the bottom half.  He’s a drifter, a maverick, a rebel of the wild west.  And nothing’s gonna stop him.  Not even his matching horse-on-a-plain pocket jeans.  That, my friend, is how you do a fucking ensemble.




How do you mulletize your entire outfit?  You do this – check flannel button-down top, tucked into your Wal-Mart board shorts.  Fit for just about every occasion you can imagine.  Family man on top, party animal down below.  I suspect he was going to the company summer soiree at the water park.








Kill yourself now.  Just because you’re six feet tall and have a daunting stature so you know no one’s gonna fuck with you, doesn’t give you permission to walk around a theme park in a Hello Kitty backpack.  Especially when you’re standing in line at said theme park and you’re without any kids in sight.  It’s one thing if you’ve got kids and you’re carrying around your little shit’s Hello Kitty backpack, which must mean that you’ve simply lost the will to live.  But when you’re only with other adults, and you’ve got that shit strapped to your back, you really should be thrown off the roller coaster at the highest point.





Silly bands are so 2010.  And 100% for kids.  Shit, I’ve given my kids permission to poke fun at other kids who still sport silly bands.  Then I see a dude with silly bands on his wrist.  And I want to punch him in the back of his head.  What goes through your head when you pull these silly bands on your fucking wrist?  Are you trying to be playful?  Whimsical?  Or maybe you’re a fucking pedophile and these are your bloodworms for slow kids?  It’s fucking stupid.  And a lot creepy.  I mean, the only time you can wear silly bands is… ha! there’s no fucking good reason ever to wear silly bands.  What a douche.