Ooooh, so another celeb kicks it.  “We have lost a major star, a major talent,” said one CNN anchor this evening. No we fucking have not.  The royal suckness that is social media means that within minutes of the announcement of Whitney Houston’s demise, every fucking person in the universe had to weigh in.  Yours truly included.  Everyone’s a fucking newscaster now.  Everyone’s got a 140-character op-ed piece to shove in your face.

If only that opinion fucking mattered.  99 out of 100 posts on Facebook and Twitter were about how sad everyone was, what a big fucking loss Whitney Houston’s death was.  Get the fuck outta here.  Really?!  Truth is, Whitney Houston hasn’t registered on anyone’s radar in last 20 years.  So don’t feign all this sadness and gnashing of teeth – it’s disingenuous, it insults the woman’s legacy, and it’s so completely full of shit.

I’m not exactly trying to shit on Whitney Houston dying here.  But I’m certainly not going to bang on about how I’m gonna miss her.  ‘Cause that’d be total bullshit.  I’m not going to miss her because I never ever really thought about her.  And be honest, neither did you.  No one’s sitting around listening to Whitney Houston albums.  Probably because she’s sucked for the past 20 years.  You know it and I know it.  No one gave a shit the past two decades and now I’m supposed to give a shit just ‘cause she’d kicked it?  Why?  Why does the fact that she kicked it suddenly validate the horrendous mess she was in the past 20 years?  It’s all fucking bullshit.

I have shed a tear for the demise of exactly two celebs.  Two.  That’s it.  Freddie Mercury and Joe Strummer.  To the point that if I happen to catch a Queen concert on TV, I still get a bit weepy.  If I start to overthink Strummer, The Clash, or his post-Clash work, I could start to tear up.  It’s fucking pathetic.  But I do so unapologetically.  Because from the day I listened to my first Queen album, I have maintained – and continue to do so – that Freddie Mercury is the single-greatest rock singer of all time.  If you don’t agree, you’d be wrong, and you can fuck off for free.  I won’t take any argument about this.  Same thing with Joe Strummer.  There have been plenty of punk guys before and after Joe Strummer.  But Strummer had this remarkable sensibility about the music he made and the music he played.  You heard it in The Clash, you felt his presence when he joined up with The Pogues, and he was on his way to a second coming with The Mescaleros.  And he made it his life’s mission to bring new music to the fore, to help you understand that the old music that influenced him was worthy of your ears as well, that perhaps some West African singer you’d never heard of could change your life, that you can never listen to enough stuff that you’d never heard of.  If you need to get caught up on your Joe Strummer knowledge, just get your hands on “The Future Is Unwritten.”  Joe Strummer embodied the restlessness and the insatiable hunt for the good unknown.  That is why I cried for these two guys.

I guess what I’m suggesting is this: if you’re gonna moan about someone dying unexpectedly, just make sure you fucking mean it.  It’s fucking bullshit to force some asshole update about Whitney Houston just so you can say something about Whitney Houston.  To show people just how up-with-the-news you are.  Because that shit does fuck all for Whitney Houston’s legacy; it’s all about your own bullshit ego.

And really, who gives a shit.