There is no limit to what this kid will do or say that makes me want to smash my head against a brick wall.   Like these:

  • While waiting in line to get into the fucking Lego store at Rockefeller Center during the Christmas holidays, he shouts out, “Hey, I have a great idea, why don’t we just walk around this line, go to the front, just cut in line, and we’ll get in before everyone else!”
  • When asking me for cardboard: “Dad, can I have some cardboard please?” “What for?” “I want to make a cardboard sword so I can go cutting and stabbing!” “WHAT?! You’ll do no such thing.”  “OK, OK, I’ll just make some cardboard guns then.”
  • “Dad!  I know what a yeti is!  It’s a crazy snowman!”
  • “Do you know why I can’t have a playdate with a girl?  Because she might get attracted to me.”
  • Out of nowhere, “I hope I don’t have Pilates today.”  (Pilates?!)
  • “Dad, why do we even need mommies and daddies?”  “Because kids can do some things and not others, so mommies and daddies can help.”  “Well, I can fight off robbers with my karate powers.”
  • Upon tasting the toxic swill that is Hi-C for the first time: “Woah, this tastes epic.”
  • “I like everything in this world, except bad guys.”
  • “Mommy, I’m looking for some weapons.”
  • After a few solid swings of the bat during tee-ball practice in the backyard, “When I grow up, I don’t have to be a ninja, I can be a baseball player.”
  • “Dad, during an earthquake, did anyone lose all their teeth?”  (WTF?!)