I’m fucking famous.  No, not really.  I just seem to have inadvertently drawn a bit more attention to myself than expected.

Holy shitballs, Malaysia.

Yesterday, I wrote a piece about how I feel about my country of birth.  As with most things on this blog (and by that I mean everyfuckingthing), I guess it was a little less than complimentary.

Most people don’t even know where the fuck Malaysia is on the map, nevermind give a shit about it.  So, with most of the shit I post, I didn’t expect anyone to read it.  What I also didn’t expect was that the stupid write-up would get passed around in Malaysia like a goddamn herpes outbreak.  When I peeked at the blog stats, I didn’t just get tens or hundreds of clicks – I got thousands.  In the first 24 hours, WordPress tells me that this stupid story had been clicked on over 10,000 times.  And about three-quarters of it had come from Malaysia.

It’s so stupid that anyone actually gives a shit about what I have to say about anything.

Seriously, who gives a rat’s ass.  I have no influence over anything or anyone.  My own kids don’t listen to me.  And people are getting caught up in what I wrote?  Fuck you.  People should give a shit about large collectives who do and/or say stupid shit.  Lookin’ at you, North Carolina.  And Arizona.  Because that’s when you realize that it’s not just one insignificant person – that’s a large festering group of like-minded imbeciles.  And that’s fucking terrifying.  But I digress.

In any case, I didn’t expect the sort of response I got for that piece.  WordPress does this thing where I have to approve a comment before it’s posted.  It doesn’t just do it automatically.  Which drives me a bit bananas, because that means it permits people to approve only positive comments to their blogs and leave off the negative ones.  Fuck that, I make sure every comment gets approved and posted.  Which also means that I wasted far too much time making sure all these comments I got were posted.  You get in, and you get in, and you get in… everyone gets in for free!

So I got slightly buried with comments.  Some more eloquent than others, natch.  Some more coherent than others, duh.  And some more outraged than others.  So I thought I’d milk another post out of this subject and try and respond to some of them here.  Some of these sentiments are repetitive, so I’ll just respond to one given example of the comment.  Cool?  Cool.


That’s actually a rather good point about the treason bit.  I still hold a Malaysian passport, because I’ve been too lazy to get it switched.  That said, consider how you’re actually condoning the idea that irrespective of my own location, a blog post warrants as an act of treason.  A stupid blog post.  Words on the interweb.  Is treason.  You’re a fucking idiot.


I fucking love comments along the lines of, “Hey, fuck you, you fucking fuck!”  The threat to me being “fucking dead” if I was in Malaysia is a classic.  The little dollop of bigotry at the end with the “faggot” seals the deal nicely.  A+


That’s right, “most”.


I wish I knew more about what East Malaysia’s like.  I never visited when I lived in Malaysia.  It boasts this wonderful, brilliant flora and fauna that not enough people marvel over (everyone’s always busy going to Kenya, South Africa, or South America that’s had better marketing).  But the neglect and exploitation of the indigenous people are not lost on me.  Because it’s largely the same all over the world.  The original keepers of the land are shit, and why would anyone expect things in Sabah and Sarawak, and to some measure, the other Orang Asli tribes (by the way, is that still cool to say, “Orang Asli” – I have no gauge of ethnic sensitivities in Malaysia anymore – hah, just kidding, no one in Malaysia gives a flying shit about ethnic sensitivities; my own father until a few years ago was still calling black people “colored”!) on the peninsula.  I watched this episode of Bourdain’s show once in which he went to Borneo – I swear I saw more of what Borneo was like on that show than when I lived in Malaysia.  Having never visited East Malaysia is a massive regret for me.


I didn’t take any fucking easy way out.  I fought hard to legally stay, live, work, and pay taxes here in the U.S.  I’m not letting others do anything.  I’m not asking anyone to take anyone down.  I don’t give a shit anymore.




“Defecate his own brain” might be my new favorite phrase.  I’m totally stealing it.  And then I’m going to trademark it.  And if anyone else tries to use it, I’ll sue your balls off.


“Admit it”?  To whom?  You know what else you typically admit?  Guilt, culpability, usually something bad that one might hide.  No one ever has to “admit” anything to that’s good.  That’s how you’re treating Malaysian citizenship – some dark statement that you have to “admit”.  You’ve just summed up your own ingrained belief of the value of your citizenship.  Oh, and at no point have I ever told anyone, “Fuck no, I’m not from Malaysia, what are you, nuts?!”  That’s just stupid.


OK, this is a good one.  Because it’s making me address one thing I previously didn’t.  It appears that me moving away and not staying put to “fight for our right” makes me a coward.  Scratch that – a “real coward” (you know, as opposed to an unreal coward).  I guess that’s one way of putting it.  Which I suppose also makes anyone in the history of time who just upped, left town to seek a better future elsewhere  a goddamn coward – you know, like the Pilgrims, the European colonists, my own ancestors who travelled from mainland China, you know, those guys.

What an idiot.

Here’s the thing, you fight for what you want.  I don’t fucking want any of it.  You can keep it.  I’m not gonna stick around to fight.  Whatever “fight” means.  What’s that mean anyway?  Marching around in some protest?  I fucking detest protestors and people who strike.  You want it?  Then you fucking fight for it.  Don’t drag me into it.  Me, I got better shit to do.  Like maybe plan a holiday to Borneo or something.  That sounds like much more fun than this “fighting” you keep advocating for.


First of all, what’s with the slash before each apostrophe?  It’s driving me nuts.  Second, it’s one short, stupid post in some unknown blog that you never even heard of until today.  Stop making it out to be something that’s so detrimental to the well-being of the country.  Unless you really do believe that Malaysians in general are soooooo weak-minded that some shithead nobody in New York who writes some blogpost about how he loathes Malaysia is going to suddenly warp and twist their feeble minds that it’ll make them “jump off a cliff”?

Holy shit, maybe you’ve got a point there.


Not “just as stupid as Malaysia”.  Here in America, we have a whole different brand of stupid.  It comes in many colors, it comes in many flavors, it comes in different sizes, it comes in all hours of day and night.  This shit should be patented, that’s how special it is.  It’s a type of stupid that’s been finely crafted and honed and nurtured.  And now you know why we have Florida.  Or California.


This by far my favorite argument: “Malaysia sucks balls?!  Well, the USA sucks even more balls!!”  Such a kindergarten retort.  Yeah, no shit America’s fucked, too.  But apparently NO ONE knew this until you two geniuses brought it up.  The world owes you a universal debt of gratitude for your unearthing of the dark and well-hidden truth.  Conspiracy theorists, you can all go back to your moms’ basements now.  Go on!


I agree, it’s not at all easy to legally live and work here in the U.S.  Try getting in after the 11th of September, 2001 when you’re trying to gain legal status to live here in the U.S. while bearing a passport from a Muslim country.  That shit ain’t fun, I assure you.


Obviously!  I mean, it’s so clear!  Because the only time I brought up race was in the context of Bumiputera privileges.  Shit, only a filthy racist would suggest that everyone gets treated equally and that no one gets discounts, preferred status, or some other privilege because of their skin color.  Because that practice would be TOTALLY NOT RACIST!!


You’re goddamn right I’m just another immigrant.  But check this out – this is gonna blow your fucking mind: the whole goddamn country was a built as a land of immigrants (sorry, Native Americans, we’re all dicks even though I had nothing to do with spreading all that syphilis).  Everyone has from got a story of coming from somewhere else.  I mean, even in New York no one’s from New York – everyone’s from somewhere else.  And “white boy-wannabe”?  Fuck you, I work very hard on my savage tan each summer, bitch.  Now, an “Asian redneck”?  Shit, I’d pay good money to see that.  I swear that’s a movie waiting to be made.  It’d be Larry The Cable Guy doing all of Mickey Rooney’s lines from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”.


And that’s all I have time for.  Thanks for playing, everyone!  Enjoy the weekend!